my cousin ethan is hilarious. he's going to work in the kitchen of my cupcake shop as an offical cupcake maker. he told me i could pay him $35 a week. he also told me to hurry up and open it because he wants to start working when he's 14. tonight at dinner he told me he was wearing his football pants. underneath his regular pants. kid is obsessed- seriously. he talks about football at the time. he let me try on his helmet today and taught me how to breakdown. which is pretty much just crouching and growling. he's playing varisty football this year with the 13-year-olds. (he's only twelve.) i feel like he's going to do realy well. i love watching him talk about games and different players just because of the way he lights up. its absolutely inspiring to see someone so optimistic. he wants to play for the nfl but also "get really good grades and be smart." i can't remember the last time i heard someone tell me something like that. i forget at what age we start slipping into 'reality' and give up our dreams of being genius nfl players. it's sad to think about, especially when i think of it on a personal level. when i was five i wanted to be a movie star. by fifteen, it was just a screenwriter or playwright. at nineteen, i just want a job. when did i start to suck so much? seriously. it's like i've mistaken ambition for idealism. like settling is the most realistic option. i've lowered the bar way too much. and even more than just the normal fear of failure, which i think holds everyone back, i think the fear of getting into a field and finding out everyone is way better than me scares me the most and is the root of my settling. especially if it's a creative field. in an intelligence related position, i could just learn more- take more classes, read more, work harder. but with creativity, if you don't have it, you just don't have it. i saw a kid at chocolate world last week with a shirt that said, "right now there is someone out there practicing and when you meet them, they will beat you." it sounds a little harsh, but i really like it. it's been stuck in my head, pushing me, making me feel bad when i think about just watching a movie, telling me i could be using my time in so many other ways, working towards goals and actually doing things. and with a voice like that urging me to get stuff done and cross things off my list, i feel like i can want more for myself.
Monday, August 10, 2009
"will you pay me $35 a week?"
my cousin ethan is hilarious. he's going to work in the kitchen of my cupcake shop as an offical cupcake maker. he told me i could pay him $35 a week. he also told me to hurry up and open it because he wants to start working when he's 14. tonight at dinner he told me he was wearing his football pants. underneath his regular pants. kid is obsessed- seriously. he talks about football at the time. he let me try on his helmet today and taught me how to breakdown. which is pretty much just crouching and growling. he's playing varisty football this year with the 13-year-olds. (he's only twelve.) i feel like he's going to do realy well. i love watching him talk about games and different players just because of the way he lights up. its absolutely inspiring to see someone so optimistic. he wants to play for the nfl but also "get really good grades and be smart." i can't remember the last time i heard someone tell me something like that. i forget at what age we start slipping into 'reality' and give up our dreams of being genius nfl players. it's sad to think about, especially when i think of it on a personal level. when i was five i wanted to be a movie star. by fifteen, it was just a screenwriter or playwright. at nineteen, i just want a job. when did i start to suck so much? seriously. it's like i've mistaken ambition for idealism. like settling is the most realistic option. i've lowered the bar way too much. and even more than just the normal fear of failure, which i think holds everyone back, i think the fear of getting into a field and finding out everyone is way better than me scares me the most and is the root of my settling. especially if it's a creative field. in an intelligence related position, i could just learn more- take more classes, read more, work harder. but with creativity, if you don't have it, you just don't have it. i saw a kid at chocolate world last week with a shirt that said, "right now there is someone out there practicing and when you meet them, they will beat you." it sounds a little harsh, but i really like it. it's been stuck in my head, pushing me, making me feel bad when i think about just watching a movie, telling me i could be using my time in so many other ways, working towards goals and actually doing things. and with a voice like that urging me to get stuff done and cross things off my list, i feel like i can want more for myself.
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you look hot in a football helmet.
ReplyDeletealso, you're way too creative to NOT put it to good use, Caitlin. you would be a total waste working a lame job. I love you. You got it goin' onnnnn.
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I remember when Quinn was 7 and he wanted to be an actor, but go to Harvard for acting. Then he wanted to be a lawyer (and later, the first Jewish president of the US), but go to Harvard law school. Now he's just, "eh I'll go to Ohio state." But it's totally true, I do the same thing. I mean, I'm sure it would be really cool to be a female director but because it is such a difficult and demanding field, I've convinced myself I don't want to be in that particular film field. I'm just a lazy bum. My new school year resolution is to stop being a lazy bum.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in 5th grade, I wrote in my yearbook that I when grow up I want to be President or a teacher. I sometimes regret that I now know the first option is out of the question. Kind of how on Christmas morning I feel sad that I know Santa doesn't exist, I also feel sad when a kid tells me they want to be an astronaut or someone famous and I remember when I had big aspirations.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your blog. This post is so true and it is kind of sad. I also think that in general professors and wanna be professors (aka Denise Shit) kind of always remind us how we might not be successful as like a disclaimer to protect themselves and their credibility. I know there's more to it than that, but in journalism and communications they're always telling us how hard it is. I think that's so that if we don't succeed we can't blame them for not warning us. What happened to encouraging students to reach their potential not discouraging them with pessimistic blubbering!?
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