2012: the year in review

it was busy. it feels like this year has been a whole lifetime. let's talk about all the things that went down! in no particular order: 

• graduated college 
• moved to south philly
• drove to florida and went to harry potter world
• ate some amazing food in charleston
• went to austin texas with beth cozzolino and learned about sociology/ate a lot of tacos/watched bats
• hosted awesome theme parties including librarian's delight, classic toga, and a wizard surprise party
• started working full time at Sprout
• had a successful 12-show run of our improvised B-movie with my improv team, Asteroid!
• went to Sufjan's christmas concert 
• fell more in love with MikeYaz
• roadtripped to New Hampshire with a bunch of crazy people
• fell in love with my bike again
• brunched a stupid amount
• learned to make amazing sours mix
• won free tickets to the led zeppelin experience and got to live like a VIP for two hours
• accidentally ate a raw shrimp
• said goodbye to Great Place
• got a flat tire in the trader joe's parking lot
• ran/walked a 5K (color run color fun!)
• sent a lot of mail
• had a misunderstood halloween costume (sybil! from downton abbey! come on people!)
• showed off my city to my aunts and my mom/other mothers
• got better at the ukulele
• roadtripped to the midwest. saw kim's crazy college life, ate two dinners in one night in chicago, drank fishbowls on a tuesday in ohio, made a stuffed ghost buster pole dance at iup. 
• watched a lot of netflix
• went on the harrisburg house tour and rode a motorcycle 
• made a superhero short film 
• wrote a spec script that was formulated with a friend over drunk mexican food 
• said goodbye to an amazing improviser and writing partner unexpectedly in august. 
• gained weight from the excessive brunching and boozing. i have a serious brunch/beer booty working now. 
• sat in a hot tub for too long drinking baileys.
• drank beers in a canoe with my cousin. 
• built a tee-pee
• fell more deeply in love with everyone in my life. got better at accepting things for what they are. crossed off my lists. changed my mind about things. starting seeing people through the eyes of their mothers. cried about how wonderful everything is. cried a lot in general. drove to and from harrisburg by myself dozens of times, thinking about how blessed i am and how full my heart feels.

i hope this upcoming year is full of the same. and it will be. because i want it to be that way and so i shall make it that way. 

2012 resolutions: let's check in

i resolved a lot of things this time last year. i posted the list on my blog, kept it written in the back of my notebook, and was diligent in making sure things got crossed off. here's how it went:

• go on a new england road trip. DONE! went up to new hampshire with the TU crew this past August.
• do something different with my hair. DONE!  I cut that mane down!
• build a tee pee. DONE! it stands proudly in the corner of my living room.
• graduate college. DONE! this was definitely a freebie.
• fix up my etsy. kind of done. i listed a bunch of things to try to move old stock and i'm hoping to re-vamp everything in the coming months.
• go to chicago. DONE! only got to spend a day here but it was wonderful.  i want to go back with mikeyaz in tow.
• learn three full songs on the ukulele. DONE! santa baby, sentimental heart, chimbly sweep, vibe so hot, you and i - i'm all over this one.
• more karaoke, more wigs, more theme parties. DONE! new favorite karaoke song is "In the End" by linkin park. new favorite wig is my short black bob. favorite theme party of the year was librarian's delight. or wizard party. or no white sheets toga party. it's a toss-up. 
• throw a dinner party. DONE! french onion soup, pumpkin & spinach mac'n'cheese, spinach salad with warm bacon dressing. carly, tim, ben, katy, laura, jonah, suzie, and scott were all in attendance.
• knit a sweater. kind of done. half way done. work in progress. 
• go to more concerts. DONE! sufjan stevens, led zeppelin experience,
• learn a few conversational words in a foreign language. nothing on this one. i'll push it into the new year.

not too shabby, amigos. i think i was pretty good at achieving goals this past year - i have a book full of crossed off to-do lists to prove it. up next: 2013 resolutions. 

thankfuls

 

late, but still accurate.

1. my health. that i can ride my bike to and from work with an able-body and breath in fresh air and occasionally even let go of my handlebars and cruise for half a block. so happy and grateful to be healthy. 
2. my family. that i have a group of people supporting me unconditionally. that if something were to happen tomorrow, i have a place to go and people to surround myself with. they help me make decisions and talk me down when i'm going crazy. they're also insanely fun & funny and they know how to eat right.
3. mikeyaz. so glad i'm dating someone who loves and accepts me completely for who i am, who makes me laugh consistently, and is always down to split brunch entrees 50/50.
4. my friends. my true blues in the 717, great place ladies, 1300 crew, smash babies, asteroidians, and everyone in between.
5. having a steady job and a steady paycheck to go along with it.
6. food. goat cheese and donuts and golden delicious apples and curry in particular.
7. drinks. horchata and pear woodchuck and whiskey sours in particular.
8. theme parties.
9. muppets.
10. yarn.
11. philadelphia.
12. the turnpike.
13. the glorious, ever-wonderful 717.
14. a close relationship with my brother.
15. books.
16. cruise control.
17. christmas and everything leading up to it.
18. felt tip pens that don't bleed through the paper.
19. the opportunity to perform regularly.
20. nubby sweaters.
21. baby cousins and babies in general.
22. globe bar.
23. ukuleles.
24. brunch

for those who can't make up their mind

 

behold! a clear i-phone case that cost five dollars on amazon, arrived in some crazy hong kong packaging, and now allows me to swap out the picture in the back whenever i want! right now it's a landscape from an old national geographic but not for long good friends. i can change that sucker whenever i want. i can use fabric or magazine cutouts or a photo or scrapbooking paper or a candy bar wrapper or hair or glitter or WHATEVER I WANT. sky is the limit here folks. i can't get over how expense i-phone cases are so this is a perfect way for me to have infinite different designs while really only having one case. boo ya world.

moms weekend

 

mom's weekend is the best kind of weekend. it's when my moms, both biological (shout out to helley!) and not-so-biological-but-still-awesome-ladies, come to philadelphia and play with me. we had quite an itinerary but we managed to squeeze it all in. frankford hall for german beer and jenga and burgers, magpie for a slice of butterscotch bourbon, south street for a festival, federal donut to sample all the flavors, hot diggity for exotic dogs, my b-movie improv show, farmers cabinet for a speakeasy cocktail and swing band, hitting up the bar with my roommates, splitting late night cheesesteaks, and in the morning, grabbing sunday brunch at hawthornes. combine all this + excessive food and drink + way to much walking and you have a recipe for a good night's sleep.

i loved showing these ladies around town though. it always helps to see philly through the eyes of a stranger. things i normally take for granted or think are meh suddenly become wonderful and original and fun and the feeling lingers even after my loved ones have left the city. thanks for a terrific weekend ladies.

for all you downton fans . . .

here it is! eighty bajilliion years after halloween, but at least i got a picture up here for all the internet to see! if you watch downton abbey you are probably way more on board with this costume/might have a general inkling of who i am. (i'm sybil! when she's a total badass and wears pants to dinner! a remarkable moment in the series!). if you don't watch the glorious pbs masterpiece though, i'm just a genie. i gave up trying to explain my costume and was content to just agree that i could grant wishes with my giant harem pants. all you uncultured slobs. tsk tsk.

i made the costume, which was super fun and surprisingly not that difficult. breasts always make shirt-tailoring a little more difficult (damn you lumpy fats mounds rising up from my chest and forever shaping the landscape of my upper half! why can't you cooperate?!) but the pants were easy peasy and SO COMFORTABLE. i wish that we wore pants like that all the time. i would seriously be in such a better mood. and, as a result, more altruistic. and therefore a better citizen. can we just all write to the president and have him endorse harem pants?

the magic of this outfit is also the fact that i can rewear it when the new season of downton comes to america. yeah, yeah i know i could illegally download it now. but 1) i am a patriot, 2) i have patience and realize it's worth waiting to support a wonderful television show by watching it in real time on tv, and most importantly, 3) i don't know how to illegally download things. i'm no crazy hacker techie.

what were you for halloween? do you even remember? it was pretty long ago. i don't blame you if it's totally slipped your mind.

pink or blue?

 

 i can't believe i haven't told you this story yet. actually, yes i can. because this happened when i was about four or five and i would have had no reason to tell you. except! i saw this post and was reminded!

back in the day, my grandma made me all sorts of costumes. i was heavy into dress up and imagination games and she was a total enabler. i had an overflowing collection of gorgeous handmade princess dresses and capes - total costume nerd heaven. but perhaps one of the most clever pieces was a sleeping beauty skirt. it was a simple skirt that Velcro-d in the back and was meant to be worn with a leotard. but, much like the disney movie, this skirt had color options. one side was blue, another was pink. and i could change it at my leisure. it was incredible.

i may have to take a hiatus from this blog to recreate the magic of this skirt. it was seriously amazing. also: please enjoy this picture that has nothing to do with anything! you're welcome!

for the love of pumpkin

my mom recently came to visit and stocked me up with pumpkin flavored seasonal goodness. made the cookies with great success; turned the marshmallows into pumpkin peanut butter rice crispies; ate the pudding for dinner one night; made pancakes for a bunch of fools after a halloween party; and unfortunately, trashed the pumpkin bar recipe. i accidentally popped the bottom out of the tart pan i was using while putting it in the oven. it was a serious mess so i ate the remaining uncooked batter and crust to console myself. what delicious fall things have you created recently? is your mom amazing like mine?

the recharge

There is something about home that recharges my batteries. Give me three days in the place I grew up and I am a new person. Like sending your American Girl doll to the doll hospital with her hair in clumps and arms on backwards and finding her on your doorstep two weeks later looking factory fresh. In this analogy, my mental status and outlook are the American Girl doll.

            In Philadelphia, I am an anxious and tired person. Whenever I am out, I’m thinking about being home and in bed and whenever I’m home and in bed, I’m thinking about all the time I’m wasting being a person who enjoys being at home in bed like some Wonka grandparent. I am morally neutral in the city, more prone to yelling and swearing and assuming people are trying to kill me or steal all my things or some sinister combination of the two. Though if you’re going to go through the trouble of killing me, you might as well steal my stuff too. I don’t need it anymore. Maybe just leave my driver’s license so people know who I was.

            That is a sentence written by Philadelphia Caitlin.

            But Harrisburg Caitlin? Oh man. Harrisburg Caitlin shoots to the other end of the spectrum. First of all, she is a social rock star. She wants to see everyone and engage in long conversations with them. She is up for flaming shots down town, social outings with parents and their friends, and one on one coffee dates with old classmates. On top of that, she is boundlessly witty and optimistic. She can quip with the best of them, listens more attentively, gives loving, compassionate feedback and is more generous with her hugs. Her anecdotes are taken to the next level and are always met with extreme interest and hearty laughter. Harrisburg Caitlin, believes in the general goodness of the world and her individual power to influence it for the better.

            I’m not completely sure how this recharge situation works though, because as it stands now, as you are currently reading this, you are probably thinking to yourself, the fuck would she ever go back to Philadelphia. And I will tell you the fuck I go back – because I’m afraid of taking advantage of the magic. If pumpkin spice lattes were all year round, would we love them as much? I’m afraid of making the magic into the norm and allowing it to lose it’s luster. So I haul my butt back to Philly but this time, as a changed butt. An optimistic butt. A butt who doesn’t believe that I am wasting my life and terrible at everything. No sir! I am a new butt, confident that I can do anything I want. I make plans on the train ride back and never once do I think I am not 100% capable of carrying them out.

            In Philly, I am a follower.  I direction-taker, never a direction giver. In high school, I organized things all the time. I loved planning projects and taking the lead. Now, Philly Caitlin waits for others to initiate then meekly follows behind, helping in minimal ways, where needed. And so it is necessary for me to return to the mother land with some frequency (but not too much!). I need to remember where I came from and be surrounded by the people who believe in me in the environment that created me. And I need to see how good it all is and believe once again that I came from all that good.

this guy

 

dates with this dude are the best. we are perfect palate partners and he consistently reads my mind when it comes to menus and date nights. so glad he's around, even if it is only a few times a month.

magpie

 

the best part of biking to work (aside from saving time and money and losing calories, which then allows me to eat more pie) is discovering new places in philadelphia. I have plenty of time to notice new bars and eateries and i try to make mental notes of the ones that look interesting. then, when mikeyaz comes to town, we get to try them out. it's a pretty sweet system.

one such place, was magpie. they're located on the west side of south street around 17th or so and they serve up savory and sweet pies made from seasonal ingredients. the pies are a little pricey at $5 a slice, $7 if you want it a la mode, but DEAR LAWD. they are amazing. yaz got the chocolate espresso pecan pie and i got a butterscotch bourbon slice. both were incredibly swoony. on top of that, the decor was adorable - clean and bright with light blue walls. the woman who owns it apparently decorating it as well and is the mastermind behind all the pie recipes. i aspire to be that multi-talented some day. maybe when i'm 23.

if you're in town you should definitely hit it up! check out the details here: www.iluvmagpie.com.

extra ordinary

 

i helped make a movie. just a short one. but a movie! nonetheless! and it's a superhero movie!

i helped develop the concept along with fornwald and finch. then fornwald wrote it and directed it and it was mostly his movie, but i still helped out. it's about a superhero who longs for a boring life. it's only seven minute and you'll probably really like it, so you should watch it: here.

bonus feature: mikeyaz and i are in it. and we're looking pretty good. this might be because we shot it on our friend tim's camera and everyone looks like a flawless god. but seriously - go watch it while you fold your laundry!

d for dangerous

 

i bought this mug a few weeks ago at the thrift store near my house. i have a standing order (to myself, from myself) to snatch up anything that i think may be from anthropologie. that store is so crazy bean expensive that i don't even care if i like the item at the thrift store - it's a crazy steal and i need it. just to shake my fist at the man. though, let's be real , the man probably doesn't care.

this mug, though not my initial, is from anthro.  and it is delightful and i made it my offical office mug. we got office mugs at one point but they were HUGE and i couldn't fit it under the hot beverage dispenser and it also took like three hot chocolate packets to fill up so i was drinking WAAAYYYYY to much hot chocolate.  i'm happy with it as my work mug overall. i get about three hot beverages a day, just to break things up and as an excuse to stretch my legs. (which i can do on the way to the kitchen to get the beverage and on the way to the bathroom to dispose of the beverage a few hours later.)

the only really strange thing is that, not only does my name not start with a 'd' (sorry to disappoint everyone who's been spelling my name 'dcaitlin' - there is no silent 'd'.), but my coworker, who i share a space with and work next to for eight hours every day - that guy's name is Don. so now everyone things it's his mug. and it's a little too girly for his taste so he's not totally into it.

this is an important story! feel grateful i shared!

in other news: WHAT HAS WORKING 9-5 DONE TO MY BRAIN?!?!?

best friends

 

i ate some stromboli a few weeks ago. and goddamn. it was good.

stromboli is a food i would never really seek out on my own. i'm never going request it as a birthday meal or order it if there are other options present. but damn. the stromboli featured above? that was some life-changing stuff. weirdly buttery and gooey and soft and not like a pizza that's been sushi rolled. which is typically what i imagine when asked to conjure a mental picture of stromboli in my mind. i should also note, no one has ever asked me to conjure a mental picture of stromboli.

in conclusion, i ate five pieces of stromboli on that fateful night. 

good feeling

 

you know what's a good feeling? ordering books online, on a whim, and having them delivered to your childhood home. then going home a month later and finding packages. then opening those packages and remembering you bought all those great books. 

i predict an even better feeling will be completing all those books. 

mums

 

so you know how i wrote about my grandma? and was doing all kinds of things that reminded me of her last night? well, last night, i was knitting in bed. and watching upstairs, downstairs. and i had just slipped a bunch of stitches to stitch holders. because that's how it goes when you're knitting a sweater. 40 stitches on one; 20 on another; 100 on the last. stitch holders are these giant metal wire things that look like safety pins. the 100 stitch one was a little small so the stiches snaked up around the curve at the bottom, all jammed on. 

then, in true Caitlin fashion, i fell asleep. with my knitting on the pillow next to me. 

this morning, i woke up and noticed something magenta down by my feet. it was the stitch holder. with no stitches on it. so i checked my knitting, which was still sitting up by my head. all 100 stitches were there, sans stitch holder. also: did i mention I look my bedroom door everynight? and this morning it was still locked? 

there are several explanations here: 

1. i'm a crazy sleepwalker with enough patience and skill to slip off 100 stitches from a stitch holder. 

2. mice? 

3. my house used to be a church - ghosts of church ladies? 

4. it was a sign from my grandma, the woman who taught me to knit. just a little prank to say hey. this is the explanation i like the best. i'm going with this one. 

also, back when my grandparents used to live at their old house, they had a big greenhouse. it was connected to the garage and it was beautiful. i was into the smell. and every year, they grew a butt-load of mums. all colors. just tons of the suckers. and then, when fall rolled around, they gave them all away. people from church, coworkers, family, neighbors, my mom's sisters- whoever. they all came over and took the mums. and i love that tradition. i want a green house for that exact thing. to grow flowers to give away. 

i was thinking about this tradition last week and bought myself a mum. then i sprayed painted a plastic cauldron gold and planted it. gotta start somewhere. 

 

i think about my grandma at least once a day. pillows from her old guest room are on my bed as well as the quilt she gave me when i graduated, the same quilt her grandmother gave her. the patches on it came from her old clothes.

the little velvet couch and chair in the corner of my room were from her house as well and i wear her signet ring on a gold chain around my neck every day. i alternate between five pairs of her gold earrings.

i'm knitting a sweater and christmas presents for my family. i'm sewing my own halloween costume. she taught me the skills to do both.

this week a woman at work asked me a few questions about a scarf she's working on. at one point i found myself saying, "if you're not happy with it now, you never will be." a truth passed down by her.

i made her baked apples tonight. i'll make her baked man'n'cheese tomorrow night. i think of her when i put on perfume in the morning. i think of her when i'm choosing my outfits. would grandma janet wear this? she was always so put together.

i think i miss her more and more as i begin to see how deeply she's influenced me. so much of her has become a part of me. i was recently thinking about how much i would have loved to take her thrifting. how much i would have loved to show her around my house and cook her a meal. how happy she would be that i get to craft at work.

thinking of you every day. 

brunch warriors

mikeyaz and i classify ourselves as brunch warriors. we have this brunch thing down to a science. we win at doing brunch on the reg. here's how we work things:

1. scope out our options ahead of time. first, we decide if we want to revisit an old favorite or try somewhere new. 80% of the time we go with a new place. we yelp that sucker, scope it out, read reviews (and try to get a sense of what the reviewer is like/where their bias lies), look at pictures. then we go.
2. we scope the specials first - they're the friggin specials! they might not be there next time! if there's no specials, we look for entrees with the place's name in them. that probably means it's a house specialty.
3. we consult each other on what we're getting. this comes into play later.
4. we do a solid handshake after placing our order.
5. once the food arrives, we eat half of our own meal, then switch plates. typically it's a literal 50/50 swap, but sometimes we'll negotiate portions depending on how much we like what we're eating/what the other person has. but since most of the time we've consulted each other before ordering, it goes 50/50.
6. afterwards, we reminisce. we pick a favorite of the two dishes. we rate it out of five stars. we rank it among current favorites. then we watch fraggle rock or some joss whedon show or a cartoon and i fall asleep 95% of the time.

follow this steps and win.

a gathering of wizards

 

i threw my friend jonah a surprise party a few weeks ago. i constantly keep a notebook of lists (it's with me at all times) and i had made a note to throw him a surprise party. which means he probably mentioned wanting one or never having one or something like that. he also likes wizards so it seemed like a logical conclusion to make it a wizard themed surprise party.

so people came over. they dressed up. some were very creative in their interpretations of the term 'wizard'. we hid and surprised jonah and sang over a cake i made to look like a replica of the cake hagrid gives harry in sorcerer's stone. he claimed he knew it was coming, but i still seriously doubt it. and also, for everyone out there who may have a surprise party thrown in their honor one day, who may be on the receiving end of a celebration planned and executed for you by 30 some odd friends, where even your distant friends skype in to be a part of it, just friggin pretend. just act surprised and excited and happy. it's really crummy to act like you knew, even if you actually did know. just play along for that brief moment. because if you don't, it's going to make the party planner want to dump the cake on your head. and not in a fun crazy party way.

then we drank beers and taped them together to play wizard staff. this resulted in pretty hilarious morning-after scenes in our house. just huge columns of cans all over the place. we also did flaming french toast shots with a harry potter twist - just throwing cinnamon on top of the flame and making them dance. i trashed our counter. so sticky. our floor was also wrecked. but it was terrific.

the best thing about parties is the costumes.
the second best thing is having a huge group of people you love all in one place.

blue skies

 

i bought this bulletin board paper because it reminds me of my the ceiling in my room at home. my taste and style fluctuates on a scale of kitschy to preppy and reserved. but i think this cloud paper represents what really appeals to me. this paper represents the ideal version of myself. optimistic, cheery, looking forward to things. it also reminds me of pie (see previous post) and electric light orchestra (which in turn, reminds me of my dad.)

i hung it up for a party a few weeks ago and i think i want to hang it in my room now. i think i want to wake up to it in the morning.

pie in the sky

 

do you ever notice threads that appear in your life? like all of a sudden, some theme seems to be emerging in the events in your life? recently, there's been a lot of pie in my mine.

first, fake pies for work. this was an undertaking. many lessons were learned. most notably, i'm not very good at using clay, plastic grapes don't take to hot glue, and ultimately, the best fake pie is just a real pie covered in a butt-ton of shellac.

then, news of a possible stage adaptation of one of my all-time favorite shows, pushing daisies. 

and THEN, discovering a pie shop in south philly called magpie that has beautiful decor and INSANELY GOOD pie. butterscotch bourbon? chocolate espresso pecan? uh, yes please.

i can think of way worse patterns to emerge in ones life. i'm down with all signs pointing to pie.

dinner partay

 

check that off my new years resolution list! boo-ya! take that all you nonexistent nay-sayers! stick that in your nonexistent noses!

jimmy and forrest and kelsey and christine came over for an improutu dinner last week. the menu consisted of salad (arugula, feta, almond, and cucumbers with greek dressing), fancy pizza/not-really-pizza (one with apples, caramelized onions, and cinnamon blueberry goat cheese and the other with blue cheese, avocado, tomatoes, and corn), asparagus, and trader joe's no guilt brownies for dessert along with some delicious whole foods cookie sandwiches courtesy of chrisfish. we dined, we conversed, we acted like grownups. there was a table cloth and water in a pitcher and a wooden salad bowl. i set up tv trays to hold the food since my table is on the small-ish side. it was legit and wonderful.

this face

 

 is killing me. it's from this video, which is also amazing. please, do your funny bone a favor.

baby wants candy

 

current wishlist:
1. pants the same color as all those skittles. not in one pair of pants. that would be visual murder on everyone. but a pair of pants in each color.
2. rosetta stone german
3. copper cups so i can make moscow mules the right proper way.

that's it fort pitt. what are you wanting these days? 

house

 

 i made this for work. and i would like to live in it. do you know who i would talk to about getting this made on a my-size scale? or shrinking me down so i can fit inside it? 

three things i definitely want in my grown up house, when i'm a grown up: a ping pong table, a trampoline, and a treehouse. obviously the last two can be outside of the actual house. in the backyard preferably. but once i have those things, i'll have it made in the shade. that's my american dream. also? it would ideally be an exact replica of my grandparent's house from growing up. that place was amazing. 

i'm consistently torn between wanting to set down roots somewhere and own a house, and wanting to move everywhere always. how can choose one place to make a home? can't i just have a home on wheels? can't i have a home with helicopter blades attached to the top? again, i need to know who to contact about this. do you people have connections? 

city life

 

i'm pretty future minded. i'm always thinking about what i want to do, where i want to live. i make a lot of lists. i plan trips and parties.

and every now and then i stop and look at my life, and i think to myself - i don't totally remember what i planned on doing at this point, but i'm pretty sure this isn't it. did i plan on living in philadelphia and working a 9-5 job? did i plan on dating a boy who lives two hours away? did i think i would look and dress this way? did i think i would think this way? did i imagine myself doing improv two to four nights a week? where did i see myself?

i don't even remember.

and i'm sure that two years from now, i won't even remember the plans i made for future me in the present. which begs the question, what's the point in planning anything? things aren't going to go as planned and that's not even a bad thing. it's just a thing. 

when i was in kindergarten, i imagined that sixteen year old caitlin would only wear stick-out-belly shirts and date a guy with a ponytail and a red convertible. when i was fourteen, i thought i would live in new york and be on broadway, despite my lack of vocal ability. i've wanted to be a journalist, the president, a teacher, and a doctor. and i'm not those things. and i don't want those things anymore. isn't it strange that we can change so much and still be the same person?

the point of the matter is, if you asked me five years ago where i thought i would be post-graduation, i would have never in a thousand years told you that i would be cramming a weeks worth of groceries into a bike basket and teetering home in the rain. never planned on that one.

chrono uke

 

it's going to get mushy in here ya'll. my boyfriend, dj mikey y, is in a band. he started writing songs on his ukulele - really funny, adorable, good songs- then teamed up with his insanely talented musical friend alex, who provides back up guitar/piano/drums/bass/everything, and now they have a two man band called chrono uke. i'm kind of obsessed with their music. mikeyaz writes all the music and lyrics, then alex adds the funk and takes it up a notch. i got to see them play last weekend and goddamn. so good. i couldn't stop beaming the entire time. thank god my boyfriend is in a band i actually like. i've dated some dudes in the past who made music and, let's be real, it's a pain in the ass to pretend to like their songs all the time. to seem enthusiastic about hearing them again. to not fall asleep or pick up a magazine and start reading. thank god for mikeyaz. thank god for chrono uke. you can listen to it here. (and you totally should listen to it. OR ELSE.)

a new map

 

so remember that last post, when i mentioned missing people and wanting to talk about it, then i never did? i'm going to do it now.

it's not even missing people so much as wishing there were fewer places. the people i love are scattered right now. i love people in philadelphia, new york, harrisburg, pittsburgh, baltimore, texas, indiana PA, georgia, new jersey, california, ohio, australia - all over. and i want to see them all, all the time. and i can't.  and it makes my heart physically hurt. there just aren't enough weekends to see everyone. we're all so busy and doing stuff and trying to appreciate where we are - i'm trying to make philadelphia my place and be a part of the city. but it's hard when i don't feel like a whole person - i'm a combination of all my people and they're all over the place. i'm sure there's a way to cope with this. people go on living without being in the presence of everyone they love all the time. but i'm not there yet. right now, i just want to pick up all the pieces, all the cities my friends live in and squash them all together on the map. maybe in some space in the ocean. so no one has to give up their city, but no one has to be apart either. who can i talk to about this map squashing business?

let's talk about the disparity here

 

let's just get this out of the way - the pictures accompanying each of my posts have less and less to do with the actual content of the post. yesterdays was pretty good, but today? today i have a picture of my lunch in my super cool new grownup bento lunchbox, but i want to write about missing people. the things i want to share with you are no longer just memories or detailed accounts of meals and events, but things going on in my noggin. and i don't have the technology/it doesn't exist/if it did it would be too expensive for me to take a picture of the inside of my brain. i keep taking pictures of wonderful, bright, good things in my life while thinking about a million sentimental and sad things. my pictures are like a box of 8 crayons and my thoughts are the big 64 crayon box with a built in sharpener. so many things are going on up there. if you don't want to hear about it, just look at the pictures. food! colors! good looking people! i wouldn't blame you!

the journey to the underdog fist: it continues

 

underdogs nine and ten. the party train keeps on rolling. we finished off our company menu and it's back to being just fornwald and i. two lonely soldiers on the road to hot dog fame. some weeks, thursday rolls around and i find myself in the mood for something light and refreshing. maybe a salad with a citrus dressing. some arugula. whatever. but alas, i have a responsibility to the people. and by people, i mean myself. GOALS. gotta have them.

on edge

 

i have a full bed. not some rinky dink little baby bed. not some single-serve dorm bed. it's a big kid bed that i could feasibly stretch out in, lie diagonal across, or splay my body starfish-style across.

but i don't.

i sleep on the edge of my bed, on one specific side, every night. i'm sure the mattress is way more worn down on this one side as a result. i should at least alternate which side i'm sleeping on. but i don't.

what's the point of sleeping on just one side of the bed, when i have a whole big mattress to roll around on? is it because i'm worried about getting comfortable, getting used to sleeping on a full bed all by myself, only to, in the future, downgrade bed size? or have to start sharing my bed with someone? is it better to just never know the luxary of enjoying a full bed by oneself?

do you take up all the space? or occupy a corner? let's talk sleep habits.

twenty two

 

i've been acting a fool recently.

late nights, open bars, and a big ol' mouth have lead me into situations that i'm embarrassed to think about the next day.

what's even worse than acting like a fool? dwelling on it for days after. turning it all over in your head until you believe it's way worse than you originally even anticipated. telling yourself that you should know better, that you're supposed to be more mature than that, more classy and composed.

but honestly? i don't know if that's true. it's probably true that i shouldn't split a bottle of wine with a friend before hitting a four hour open bar, or that i should at least pour the wine into a glass instead of swigging it straight out of the bottle. but i'm only twenty two. i just got out of college. i'm still in that mode. i have no dependents. no car payments or mortgage. i'm in this weird limbo where i have a steady paycheck but no homework and that frequently leads to happy hour. which leads to karaoke. which leads to embarrassing dancing.

point is: i need to take ten deep breaths, remind myself i'm only twenty two and don't need to have everything figured out, and never order whiskey sours again. 

sometimes

 

 you open up your crisper and find a stack of cds. get out of there cds. you don't belong there. you belong in cars. or 2007.

camp

 

things i learned at camp this summer: 

 1. my family loves chips. more than anyone else on the planet. they love chips more than the inventor of chips. more than chips' own mother. 

2. my family also love sandwiches. and for damn good reason. sandwiches are king. 

3. paddling a canoe ten miles means rewarding yourself with ten beers. 

4. i am the worst corn hole player. 

5. i am the best corn hole cheerleader. 

6. my aunts are hilarious. though i already knew this one. 

7. everything is funnier when you say it in bane's voice. (bane. you know. from dark knight rises? if you don't know, stop blogging and go educate yourself.)

8. campfire smell doesn't leave your head until three washes later. 

9. that baby, baby nick, is the king of the babies. unstoppable.