a dark knight indeed.

i feel as though i may have completely lost my ability to communicate with the opposite sex. i think it's a matter of self esteem. i've become too aware of myself and what people think of me. and i used to be so good at living completely for myself. i can point out distinct moments in my life when this changed; major turning points for me. the times that led to this. but i won't. what's important now is fixing it. i haven't faced rejection in a while right? maybe i'll just try it. i saw him at the movie theatre today. for some reason i thought since it was so freezing outside that i should wear layers. so i dressed like i was going to play in the snow. i wore leggings under my sweat pants with a thermal shirt and sweat shirt all topped off with thick socks and boots. of course, the theatre is hotter than hades. so i'm sweating profusely, shoes off, sweatpants rolled up to the knee, knitting as always and i see him stand up and turn around and look at me. i'm pretty sure we made eye contact before i darted my head the other way. i hope it's good eye contact. not creepy 'what an odd girl. . . ' eye contact. i'm thinking it's the latter. but i'm just going to put myself out there anyway. regardless. i'm no good at waiting. and i suck at being subtle. and i want new people in my life. i also want new music. i finshed matt's cowl (MACHINE) and i'm working on my own. then who knows what! sewing i should think. and schoolwork. maybe a job. maybe a boyfriend. if you believe in miracles. THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS. ALWAYS. i should. i'm going to. i control my moods. i control my life. it's really affirming to see it written. to be the one who wrote it. it's all going uphill. up up up u p uppupupupupupupppppppppppppppp.