now you're all gone, got your makeup on and you're not coming back

i'm in such a weird mood. really nostalgic. i really really miss high school. i miss my home friends. i love my school friends but my home friends are just different. and i just think i need my home friends right now.

i'm normally so good at not letting outside forces affect my happiness (affect or effect? that was one i could never remember) but lately i've been letting my guard down a lot. i'm very good at weighing pros and cons but not making decisions. i can see things from both sides but have trouble determining which is the better route. i also hate how i act around certain people. i am not myself at all and i become boring and uninformed and everything i normally hate and make fun of. but these people have no way of knowing otherwise because i provide no evidence beyond my dull behavior. i know this is breaching our contract blog, and that i'm supposed to reserve this stuff for xanga, but really. it's infiltrating my day to day and that's your territory so that's where it's going to go. for now.

maybe i just need to listen to some happier music. and get out of my room. and put on some songs. because it's like an ice box in here.

parking your car you said "i'm overwhelmed"

i am a little overwhelmed. not in the sense that i have a lot to do but in the way that there's too much i want to do. i keep changing my mind about what career i want to pursue, where i want to live, what i want to study, what kind of life i imagine for myself- everything. i know that this is the time to figure that stuff out- and i have lots of time. college is about exploring possibilities. but sometimes i wish i was one of those people who just knew what they were supposed to be doing. that just knew they were going to be a dentist since preschool and is focused 100% on their goals. i want to prepare myself to be the best at what i do. but i need to figure out what it is i want to do first. scary- all the time. exciting- even more so.

we like to watch you laughin

saw mgmt last night. it was interesting. the overall vibe was pretty good and i do enjoy their songs. i also enjoyed their ridiculous intros. "this song is about the russian massacre." or "this song is called purple haze and it's by jimmy hendrix". (neither of these things were true.) but the sound system was a little beat- it was hard to hear the vocals a lot of time and the bass was a little overwhelming. they weren't astounding musicians but it was a fun show and more importantly, a free show.


i also really like to watch all the cell phones and cameras that go up when popular songs come on. all of a sudden the crowd is full of these little blue screens and it looks really neat.

enjoy yourself

recent notable events/occurances:
1. judy sent me a box full of goodies! the theme was twelve-year old boy! it was full of fruit rollups and gushers and velveeta and shells and needless to say it's almost all gone. she's good.
2. i made spinach, carmelized onion, and feta pizza finally. i even made the dough. it actually wasn't nearly as bad and i thought it would be. i'm getting more adventurous with my cooking!
3. yesterday, i waited in line with lindsay and jimmy for two and half hours to get free mgmt tickets. all you had to do was test drive a kia around the block. and then you get two free tickets! and they had free soda and goldfish! and giant robots and hamsters that you could get your picture taken with. after that we wandered around the city. found an awesome 'dancin' grannies' exercise tape. we met up with christine, corrie, brianne, and beth at a place called 'ort's resale' and i got a really cool comforter with cats wearing red sneakers all over it. i also got a new apron and brianne found this wonderful jacket with tigers on the back for me. they put the comforter in a giant trash bag after i bought it so i looked like a hobo but it was worth it. we also got delicious gelato from a place on 20th and samson and saw a lot of adorable babies. the night was spent watching wee sing videos and doing silly things at lindsays. i seriously almost cried during the wee sing videos. it really took me back. they were a HUGE part of my childhood and probably responsible for how weird i am. i'm trying to find them all on ebay so i can buy them and have them for my childred.
4. today is free museum day! and tomorrow is the block party and volunteer training for the film festival! good weekend!

slip out the back jack

i forgot to show you these awesome finds from the salvation army on 23rd! pulp fiction AND welcome to the dollhouse on beautiful vhs! i seriously love vhs tapes. you can get so many good movies on vhs. people have discarded their entire vhs collections and thrift stores are always overflowing with classics. i've scored mrs. doubtfire, gentleman prefer blondes, and seven brides for seven brothers. and you can always find seven copies of jurassic park and sister act. it's wonderful.

being around liz has gotten me addicted to several new songs. she always has the best taste in music. mostly notably i'm digging:
1. 50 ways to leave your lover by paul simon
2. bump by spank rock
3. too drunk to dream by magnetic fields
4. might like you better by amanda blank

also: i made brownies yesterday but i didn't leave them in long enough. the result is that the top and bottom is cooked by the middle is pretty much just brownie batter. they're perfect. i'm going to make them like this all the time. it's like eating brownie batter. but you can hold it in your hands. (which i guess you can do with regular brownie batter but this doesn't make your hands sticky and it's not a liquid.) glorious.

everything's better

when we're together.

the promise of the west

( if it ain't baroque, don't fix it.)

part two begins!

i have weird memories of you wearing long red socks and red shoes

i took this picture of my brother and i with my new polaroid land cam this summer. i like that we both have similar facial expressions. clearly it was very sunny. i really miss him. the other day he asked my mom if i really meant it, about not coming home for the summer. and she said i did. and drew said that was lame. and today he got on my case about not returning his calls. i hope when we get older we stay really close. and i live within driving distance. preferably closer. i want to babysit his kids and spend christmas with him and go into business with him. we're just so similarly-wired about the important things and vastly different about the trival things. it's the perfect combination. it's exactly why we can be best friends.

i have to start being more pro-active about my career goals. i think i'm going to develop a five-year plan tomorrow. and start networking like i'm a future business leader of america. i also want to start writing more. and losing weight. at least twenty pounds. i'd like to lose wait too. i hate waiting. i'm just not doing it anymore. i'm becoming a person of action. less waiting around for things to happen, more making things happen.

training to be grandma

at a very early age!

i'm excited for this weekend. i need to get a costume together.

reminder to self:
trains for anna:
4:46; 6:46; or 7:23 to suburban
trains for self:
7:25 ($23) or 9:00 ($28)

let's go!

building a religion

oh this weekend. good times. very busy. i like busy. i love anthropologie.

i'm in a really weird place right now. i think i need to reevaluate how i present myself to others. and make some changes. i've always sought the approval of my peers and it really pains me when i can tell that other people are getting annoyed with me. i think a little less talking, a little more listening. letting other people go first and falling in as a spectator or supporting role. i don't want to be the person everyone secretly dislikes. so i gotsa to change and rearrange. priorities. image. check myself. word.

reasons i love anna elias

some quotes from our conversation last night:

"anyway then we decided it would be a good idea to get on the elevator and pretend to be like elevator conductors.
so we were announcing all the floors asking people to pay us and kicking them off if they didnt."

"got really drunk made brownies.
and decided to give people nametags with really insulting nicknames"

"sometimes i just want to start my own company just so i could hire you."

"then convinced some kid i met on the sidewalk that i was homeless and that he should give me all his pizza.
i dont think he believed me but he did give me a piece."

totally golden.

touch me like an old stamp

total pimp weekend. so many ridiculous things happened. quick run-down:
1. made mime jokes to hipsters
2. met a man from nigera who calls me every day to tell me he misses me
3. bought 17 forties. 17.
4. danced with middle-age mexican men.
5. watched a middle-age mexican man dance/throw around/harass a hipster and the hipster scream.
6. saw a guy who looked like jonathan turner from boy meets world.
7. convinced people to take off their shirts and put them in the freezer.
8. saw camilo and uncle aaron and met a million nice people.
9. watched 25 empty forties fall down the stairs and shatter.
10. hung out with dan ass and danny jacobs. love love love.
11. walked from ellsworth to city hall with fifteen other people, singing bon jovi.
12. danced/sang with a man on the street.
13. watched julian bite freeze pops open
14. consumed a million freeze pops.
15. sang rock lobster in a basement full of people. moved on to cake and modest mouse.
16. redeemed myself with jim! he called me 'hilarious'! success!
17. got called 'caitlin wild'
18. hung out with fucking skiff and lizzie! and was reunited with kevin! and matt nease!
19. harassed freshmen with beth!
20. applied to work at an adorable coffee shop in old city!
21. got free wine at the yoga studio
22. ate delicious carrot cake at sam and julies
23. walked through northern liberties.
24. woke up warm and content
25. talked to liztil on the phone for an hour and a half. because i miss her so much.


baller of a weekend. absolutely baller.

paul anka was a hottie

i'm in love with my room and philadelphia and all of it's inhabitants.

i came as a rat

henry the mouse has become a problem.
yes he is a adorable. but he is also freaking me the crap out. i'm hearing mouse sounds everywhere and i am constantly spazzing out because i think a mouse touched my foot.
i woke up this morning to find that henry all my ramen noodles. and left a friggin mess. totally inconsiderate.
so now he must die.
i've spent $28 on traps so far. i'll let you know how it turns out.