maybe i'm an orange peel. . .

during our orientation, before we even got to london, they explained that there are several stages study abroad students experience. there's the honeymoon stage when you're still just stupid excited to be somewhere new, something we jokingly called the 'rage stage' when you get annoyed by all the differences, the humor stage, and something like the 'don't want to leave ever' stage. i'm definitely entering into the rage stage right now. not in a hulk-out kind of way. more in a sad charlie brown way complete with an incessant inner monologue. i know, i know. i'm still transitioning. we've only been here a week and a half. but it's incredibly jarring to go from a place where you feel comfortable, surrounded by people, where you have your own space and a very solid sense of identity to an entirely new city, full of new people, with nothing that's really yours, and only a handful of friends. (and very good friends at that. i'm incredibly lucky to be with the people i'm with. they're best case scenario. )

i think the thing i'm struggling with most is the concept of living here, yet being a tourist. i want to be a tourist because it's what i'm used to- if you're in a different country, you have to cram it all in and see everything. but i'm actually living here. when i live in philly, i don't feel the need to go out all the time. i don't feel guilty about having nights in or even afternoons spent reading and napping. because that's just general life. but i feel like the time i have here is so limited and precious, i need to constantly be seeing things and doing things and it's been exhausting. i think i was also hoping that keeping extremely busy would curb any homesickness that may arise.

but it's kind of a hollow busy-ness. i'm beginning to realize more, as i rush around trying to fill my time, how much i value the people in my life. the times that stick out in my memory as being especially fun are linked more to the people i was with than the location or activity. and just in general- any human interaction, making any connection. i enjoy that so much more than going specific places or seeing specific things.

i know. it's only been a week and a half. it's a transition. it's like freshman year all over again. but i'm allowed to throw this stuff out on my blog right? that's what blogs are for. and i am having fun. everyone just always gushes about how incredible studying abroad is so i think i had some unrealistic expectations. i just thought it'd be day one. best time ever. confetti and best friends everywhere. not really. but kind of.

this week = internship interview. starting my internship. knitting club. mumford&sons dj event. possibly a weekend away. hopefully more settling and moving away from the rage stage. humor stage sounds like much more fun.