am i missing something?

 

am i missing something here? like a longer manual to my i-phone? the one i got is only like four pages long and as much as i appreciate the minimalist look, it's not exactly what i find most desirable in a booklet that's supposed to tell me how to work a futuristic handheld space computer communicator. siri just turns on at random and picks up on the conversations inside my purse and then when i pull out my phone, gems like this one show up. i swear to you, good people of the internet, that i never said that. even though that sounds like an awesome jingle. i am not one to sit around on my phone listening to jingles. i don't know who that would apply to. uncle joey and uncle jessie maybe. those are the only jingle-men i know.

additionally, while we are waving our dirty pants out the awkward express eastbound to whaddafugggg land, because we spilled hot sauce on the crotch and had to wash them in the sink but the blue soap is also staining and now we're pants-less on public transportation - let's talk about shirt buttons.

i have grown some boobs recently-ish. maybe they were there before, but it's just been in the past six months that i've noticed them. this should not come as a shock to anyone, since i'm a woman but for some reason, they're still new enough to me that i forget about them. not usually an issue except when it comes to shirts.

i like me a button down, but boobs seem to disagree. i buy a shirt, put it on, button it up and boobs yell NOOOOOOO! GET US OUT OF HERE! WE BE BUSTIN' FREEEEE! they create this gap that makes me look like an extra in a britney spears music video. but my love for button downs outweighs the cries of boobs, so i continue to wear them.

and i continue to be paranoid about the gap. and the potential for other people to peep my cleavage. the pervs. this is not for you! this is a result of poor design! or my lack of knowledge about sizing!

and then i find myself checking on the gap all day, just to make sure the window to the valley of the boobs isn't exposed to the public.

and at the end of the day, i can't be sure how many people have checked out the boobs, but i know i've kept my eyes on them all day. this shirt has caused me to stare at my own cleavage all day. ironic, right?

do you like buttons? boobs? gaping shirts?