and it plays your favorite songs

and you know where the coin slot is.

consumed:
-bowl of fruity pebbles
-jelly beans
-soup (130)
-jelly beans
-greek wrap, chips, pickle
-jelly beans
-brownie batter

some poor decisions were made today.
exercise? zerrooooo.
tomorrow is a new day. food plan:
-breakfast: toast w/pb and banana
-lunch: salad and fruit
-snack: cucumbers & dip
-dinner: whatevs
-treat: jelly beans OR half a cookie from the cookie truck
-workout: 30 minutes of eliptical

i'm allowed to go to montreal still! yes yes yes and yes! score to infinity! i'll have to work my ass off the rest of the summer but it'll be worth it. so worth it. AND all my friends went out tonight but i chose to stay in. we made brownie mix and ate it raw; then tried to microwave it, which shockingly worked. i was amazed. then we watched an awesome movie with adrien grier in it. mmmmmmm. a tasty evening on many levels.

liz is coming tomorrow! i appreciate the people in my life more and more. she is magnificent. we are going to have a baller of a time. mustache party on saturday!

i love you blog. i love you life. i love you self.

standing trial for your sins

brand new just never gets old. it really doesn't. old memories are relived and create new memories and it just keeps going so it's always relevant.

i still feel guilty.
for that night and every night before that.
i've said it a million times i swear, but i really do need to change. i need to think about what i'm doing. long term affects. i need to work on my reputation. not even for other people. but for myself. and a little for other people. i want to become the person i envision myself as. i want to be described in colorful, good terms. i want people to have good, happy, quirky memories of me. i can do this. i can i can i can i can.


liz is coming this weekend! i want it to be a good bonding weekend. maybe a party. maybe not. lots of food. adventures. definitely.

new rules:
-only go out once a week
-when i go out, only three drinks tops. two if it's something other than beer.
-create something new everyday
-blog every other day
-work out at least four times a week

almost swim suit season and i'm going to do it this year. furreal. i want to be able to wear this little number. it's kind of cute and vintage-y. wish me luck.

todays intake:
-baked apple oatmeal
-handful of jelly beans
-garlic caesar chicken crepe
-one peanut butter buckeye
-handful of jelly beans
- turkey sandwich
-banana
-peanut butter chocolate cookie
-handful of jelly beans

workout: hip hop funk class. (hilarious)

i need to stop with the jelly beans. they will be the death of me.
tomorrow is a new day!

remember when we lived well-documented lives?

i do.
remember when we had to wait for rides? spent time loitering outside of movie theatres and malls? wandering through adjacent grocery stores? spent all of our money on inside jokes at the dollar store?
remember when we used terms like 'best friend'? remember when hershey park was a big deal? remember when we didn't have to work? when the hardest part of figuring out our weekends was figuring out our rides?
remember when we filled our yearbooks with inside jokes? when we didn't have cell phones? when we made hemp necklaces and bracelets and coveted being random?

i miss holy name. i miss mcdevitt. i miss et and ka and lw and cq. i miss kh and sb. i miss going to the festival and seeing everyone i know and spending four or five hours there riding dangerous rides and sitting on the swings and winning goldfish so we could watch that weird kid eat them.

i don't like being conscience of my aging.

grown up!

i am a grown-up now!
or i feel like one at least.
this is my first real grown-up birthday without my mom and dad. my first birthday without a cake too for that matter. i did get a bunch of cards and two packages. one card came with a glittery crown. i got the traditional five pound bag of jelly beans from judy. pajamas, button-making kit, clothes, stationary, and edible goodies from mom. i got a free cookie from the insomnia cookie truck (new addiction). and the lady in j&h sang a very jazzy rendition of happy birthday to me. she also threw in a little dancing. i love the employees of temple.

last night was good!
the budget meeting was a very human experience. it was great to see so many people interested in their community. agreeing on the point of safety. hearing where they came from. dr. palmer, denise, crystal. good people. i just missed really talking to people. it was just refreshing. in addition, i got a chance to meet and bond with kids in my journalism class which was nice. then we went to the cookie truck and apparently jeff works there so he gave me some extra cookies. then we saw twilight and i made new friends. (malcolm x most notably). i was surrounded by good happy people at midnight who all violently whispered 'happy birthday' to me as a fight scene began on screen. it was just overall very nice.

i really fucked up last weekend. but i sincerely believe everything happens for a reason. it really put things in perspective for me. i love my family more than anything. they are so incredibly supportive. it literally almost brings me to tears at times. that they can forgive me for being a complete dumbass and sing happy birthday to me and feel guilty for not coming to see me. it's really too much. it's wonderful. i wish everyone could be so lucky as to experience that kind of love in their life.

jen might keep her baby! i want to make it a thousand things. she wrote an excellent article about being a pregnant teen that was published in philadelphia weekly. her stance on abortion was incredibly refreshing from both standpoints i think.

nineteen will be good.

been a while

two fairly good weekends have passed. two weekends ago was marvelous. so many good times were had. that thursday we all went to dinner at il portico and acted fancy. then friday i went into the city with beth, zach, turbo, and sam. played twenty questions in some random mall. just nice to be out with different people. came home then went out! kind of lame party but the hallway was fun afterwards. then saturday we went to the corona house. pregamed with whiskey beforehand then we're off! with matt f, beth, and meredith in tow! some kid named yotem wrote all over my arm in sharpie. the house juice, jessie's juice, was redubbed uncle jessie's juice. i power walked home by myself and another good time ensued in the hallway. then another week. {edit} that's good. then on friday, me, keiran, and christine go out. christine sneakily gets us into kappa sig by pretending we're with this other group on 'the list'. zombie molester boy tries to dance with us. we stock up on beers and get the hell out of there. those kids were weird. keiren's boo brian gets us into axp. it happens to be date night. meaning everyone is super dressed up and couple off. leaving me and christine. our response? steal their beer. mock them aloud. set up a christmas tree in the kitchen. tape their cabinets shut. drink their off limits booze (evan williams is the new jack daniels). harass the dj. run around in their empty basement. get back to the dorms and drink those stolen beers (christine brought some into the building in her hood. incredible) hang out with beth and matt and lindsey {edit} saturday we went to the mutters musuem (me, beth, lindsey, j.b.). fun ensues! creepy shit is there. then we went to salvation army. photo shoot! i'm on fire. no awakwardness. just stories and funny things to say! everyone is laughing! i rock! go to rugby house on saturday and EVERYONE IS THERE. magic. pure bliss. all the floor kids. kurt. dan. aleks from high school. j.b. asian mark. absolutely beautiful. i have twenty jello shots in my pockets. the night is on fire. the night is mine. the julian pact is in full effect and christine and i are laying it on thick. drunk alex has decided to join us. i love when she comes out. the bathrooms were disgusting- hair everywhere. drywall in the toliet. a really flambouyant fat kid sang opera to us. met a kid named anarchy dan. just good good times. left with christine and julian and alex. went to 7/11. then tried to get into a bar on campus. didnt work. probably because we were eating cheezits from 7/11 bags and saying we just wanted 'to hang out'. ("that guys a full time midget, part time bouncer") came back. did the rest of the jello shots in my room with kim from next door. threw the empty ones under brianne's bed. drank old smuggler. that bastard. all friends in mike's room. watching sound of music. meredith comes over. {edit} beth and i were all over the place. harassed some stoners. jeff included! and zach! and the other beth! and turbo! and some kid i kept calling ninsun. which is not his name. that's the name of the cow sun goddess in gilgamesh. faux paus. stepped on a tack. went to bed. overall successful two weeks.


{edit} i'm not going to sweat it though. it's a hairflip. a hurrflip. i'm bigger. i'm alright. i need to learn to love me and be confident in my independence. if he wants me, he'll call. he'll text. i'm done. yeah man. plenty of fishes.