now you're all gone, got your makeup on and you're not coming back

i'm in such a weird mood. really nostalgic. i really really miss high school. i miss my home friends. i love my school friends but my home friends are just different. and i just think i need my home friends right now.

i'm normally so good at not letting outside forces affect my happiness (affect or effect? that was one i could never remember) but lately i've been letting my guard down a lot. i'm very good at weighing pros and cons but not making decisions. i can see things from both sides but have trouble determining which is the better route. i also hate how i act around certain people. i am not myself at all and i become boring and uninformed and everything i normally hate and make fun of. but these people have no way of knowing otherwise because i provide no evidence beyond my dull behavior. i know this is breaching our contract blog, and that i'm supposed to reserve this stuff for xanga, but really. it's infiltrating my day to day and that's your territory so that's where it's going to go. for now.

maybe i just need to listen to some happier music. and get out of my room. and put on some songs. because it's like an ice box in here.

parking your car you said "i'm overwhelmed"

i am a little overwhelmed. not in the sense that i have a lot to do but in the way that there's too much i want to do. i keep changing my mind about what career i want to pursue, where i want to live, what i want to study, what kind of life i imagine for myself- everything. i know that this is the time to figure that stuff out- and i have lots of time. college is about exploring possibilities. but sometimes i wish i was one of those people who just knew what they were supposed to be doing. that just knew they were going to be a dentist since preschool and is focused 100% on their goals. i want to prepare myself to be the best at what i do. but i need to figure out what it is i want to do first. scary- all the time. exciting- even more so.

we like to watch you laughin

saw mgmt last night. it was interesting. the overall vibe was pretty good and i do enjoy their songs. i also enjoyed their ridiculous intros. "this song is about the russian massacre." or "this song is called purple haze and it's by jimmy hendrix". (neither of these things were true.) but the sound system was a little beat- it was hard to hear the vocals a lot of time and the bass was a little overwhelming. they weren't astounding musicians but it was a fun show and more importantly, a free show.


i also really like to watch all the cell phones and cameras that go up when popular songs come on. all of a sudden the crowd is full of these little blue screens and it looks really neat.

enjoy yourself

recent notable events/occurances:
1. judy sent me a box full of goodies! the theme was twelve-year old boy! it was full of fruit rollups and gushers and velveeta and shells and needless to say it's almost all gone. she's good.
2. i made spinach, carmelized onion, and feta pizza finally. i even made the dough. it actually wasn't nearly as bad and i thought it would be. i'm getting more adventurous with my cooking!
3. yesterday, i waited in line with lindsay and jimmy for two and half hours to get free mgmt tickets. all you had to do was test drive a kia around the block. and then you get two free tickets! and they had free soda and goldfish! and giant robots and hamsters that you could get your picture taken with. after that we wandered around the city. found an awesome 'dancin' grannies' exercise tape. we met up with christine, corrie, brianne, and beth at a place called 'ort's resale' and i got a really cool comforter with cats wearing red sneakers all over it. i also got a new apron and brianne found this wonderful jacket with tigers on the back for me. they put the comforter in a giant trash bag after i bought it so i looked like a hobo but it was worth it. we also got delicious gelato from a place on 20th and samson and saw a lot of adorable babies. the night was spent watching wee sing videos and doing silly things at lindsays. i seriously almost cried during the wee sing videos. it really took me back. they were a HUGE part of my childhood and probably responsible for how weird i am. i'm trying to find them all on ebay so i can buy them and have them for my childred.
4. today is free museum day! and tomorrow is the block party and volunteer training for the film festival! good weekend!

slip out the back jack

i forgot to show you these awesome finds from the salvation army on 23rd! pulp fiction AND welcome to the dollhouse on beautiful vhs! i seriously love vhs tapes. you can get so many good movies on vhs. people have discarded their entire vhs collections and thrift stores are always overflowing with classics. i've scored mrs. doubtfire, gentleman prefer blondes, and seven brides for seven brothers. and you can always find seven copies of jurassic park and sister act. it's wonderful.

being around liz has gotten me addicted to several new songs. she always has the best taste in music. mostly notably i'm digging:
1. 50 ways to leave your lover by paul simon
2. bump by spank rock
3. too drunk to dream by magnetic fields
4. might like you better by amanda blank

also: i made brownies yesterday but i didn't leave them in long enough. the result is that the top and bottom is cooked by the middle is pretty much just brownie batter. they're perfect. i'm going to make them like this all the time. it's like eating brownie batter. but you can hold it in your hands. (which i guess you can do with regular brownie batter but this doesn't make your hands sticky and it's not a liquid.) glorious.

everything's better

when we're together.

the promise of the west

( if it ain't baroque, don't fix it.)

part two begins!