
this has been such a saga in my life that it's high time i told the general public the full story. so here we go:
when we moved into the house, there was a snake on the loose. not like a wild snake- a domestic snake. it belonged to one of the previous inhabitants, a boy by the name of justin. now justin is a super sweet boy- very nice, very handsome, but also very much like a first grade. kid is spacier than an astronaut. one night, justin was a bit intoxicated and decided to take his pet california king snake to 7/11 (because everyone knows that snakes love 7/11). upon returning home, he didn't put raisins the snake away, but instead took him inside a fort he built downstairs to cuddle and watch
shawshank redemption. again, totally normal things to do with your pet snake. but homeboy fell asleep in that fort and raisins decided he had seen this movie too many times and just slithered away in pursuit of more exciting activities.
so the snake was lost in our house. justin couldn't find him/never saw him and told us the same way one might say "oh by the way, i left some baloney on the top shelf of the fridge. help yourself." i'm terrified of snakes so i was not entirely pleased but i figured i would just deal with the problem when it presented itself. the snake has no teeth and is used to humans touching it/playing with it so it wasn't going to attack us. it was just the surprise element- that sucker could be anywhere.
cut to the first night i'm staying in the house. it's just me and christine and she's in the shower. i go to the downstairs bathroom and flip on the light to put my hairdryer under the sink. on my way out the door, i turn back around to turn off the light and find my eyes drawn upwards. hanging from the light on our ceiling is the snake. he is bigger and snakier than the pictures had lead me to believe. i slowly back out of the room and upstairs where i pace in the hallway until christine comes out of the bathroom. i then scream something like "SNAKE BATHROOM AH!" and we both proceed to freak out. christine, being the braver roommate decides to try to take care of it. i decide to stand on a box in the middle of the living room freaking out. she pushes a tupperware container under the pet and attempts to pry it down with a swiffer. every time she musters up the courage to poke it again we both scream continuously. meanwhile, i'm on the phone calling every person i've ever known and telling them to come over and get this snake. the swiffer is not working- he's a lot stronger than we thought. we watch him do weird snake things with his weird snake body until our back-up arrives. jon and scott stand on the bathroom sink and tub ledge respectively, with tongs in their hands to grab the snake. laura and sarah appear as moral support. eventually, raisins tires of terrorizing us and crawls back up into the ceiling.
so now we know he's here, but he's totally lost again. we have strict orders not to kill him but i know if my options are killing him or letting him go again, i'm probably going with the first one. no one uses the first floor bathroom except keiran for fear of another sighting. some of our friends refuse to come over because of our extra house guest. we kick everything before opening it. we check out covers at night just to be sure. a strand of christmas lights fell on christine while she was sleeping and she freaked out, thinking it was the snake. then she started sleeping with a knife under her pillow. we made traps (lamps in tupperware containers on the floor) in the hopes that the snake would emerge. no such luck. and so we continued to live in fear of the surprise snake who would eventually pop out at us again.
this past saturday we were out in the backyard cleaning up. our roommate beth turned the corner into the small alley next to our house and let out a scream. she found raisins. we all rushed over to see and sure enough, there he was. belly up. half buried in the snow. homeboy was dead. i still couldn't touch him and could barely even look at him. our more snake friendly friends thawed him out with spoons and a hairdryer- his snake body was flatten under the weight of the snow and ice. he was buried under at least three inches of it. we said a few words, experienced a lot of mixed feelings, and disposed of his body in a trash bag. he's now sitting on our curb near the recycling.
it's a terrible way to go- we aren't even sure how he got out of the house. but we're glad he's not there. in conclusion, your snake hates 7/11. don't let him out.