a man is not where he lives but where he loves

We had to write a reflective essay on our time spent in London. Our professor wanted us to talk about who we were when we came to London vs. who we are now. Here's what I wrote:

I always thought talking about your study abroad experience was kind of pretentious. People always seem to be saying they “found themselves abroad” or making comments that start with the phrase, “One time, while I was touring Europe.” It just comes off in a very pompous way. But after having studied abroad myself, I think I do understand the ways it changes you.

To leave your home environment, a place where you are comfortable and surrounded by people you know is a big deal. We do it to some degree when we leave for college, but even then, most of us can still hop a train home or call our mom. And we have other people in the same boat- a whole class or dorm building with fellow freshmen, seeking friends. To go to an entirely different city, where you only know 40 people, and you don’t have the option to run home is a more extreme situation. It shocks you into growth.

At home, I have routines. My daily life is structured. Between classes, work, activities, social life, family- I have plenty to keep me busy. But I left that behind when I came to London and was faced with the incredibly terrifying prospect of free time. I’m a planner by nature and I’m happiest when I’m up to my eyeballs in work. But I had whole entire days free here. Absolutely nothing to do. This lead to two different things:

First, I found myself going on more solo adventures. At home, any time we’re doing something or going somewhere, there’s a whole posse coming along. But with a limited friend pool and conflicting schedules, I often didn’t want to wait around until I had a partner and ventured out to my destinations alone. Though I normally consider myself an extrovert, I learned to really enjoy spending time by myself. I experienced things differently and, as stupid as it may sound, got to know myself better.

That was the second benefit of my free time. I had so much time to think and reflect. I thought a lot about what I want in life, what influences shape me, the people I know back home, my family, the future in general. I learned to appreciate silence and value the time on my commute where I could reflect on what was going on around me and make sense of things. I think my chaotic lifestyle at home doesn’t allow for much time to pause and contemplate things or even to check in with myself and make sure I still like the things I’m doing. These past few months have taught me the importance of keeping in touch with myself and examining the world around me. It also really helped my creativity. I wrote a lot more on this trip and began making plans for future projects (because you can’t ever really stomp out the planner inside me.)

Through my reflections, I made some other really important discoveries.

I realized how much of my identity is rooted in the things I do. I define myself by my actions- writing for Temple Smash, performing with Fowl Play and Asteroid, managing Insomnia Theater, interning, working- my personality stems from what I do. If I’m not doing anything, I feel lost. That’s what I experienced when I first got to London. It was difficult to get involved with things because we’re only here for a short period of time. But it’s a long enough period for me to feel shaky about not creating anything. I think my time spent here has made me better able to define myself outside of my work but also showed me how much I love doing things. I feel new motivation for old projects and I can’t wait to get back to them.

The other realization was about people. I found a Latin proverb online a few weeks ago that says, “A man is not where he lives, but where he loves.” This rang incredibly true to me. This trip made me realize how little location matters to me, but how much I value my company. I am so grateful for everyone in my life. I’m surrounded by people who provide constant support and act as sources of inspiration regularly. I also found a new appreciation for people in general. I talk to strangers more often, wanting to hear their story and their perspective. I find people can completely change and shape my experience. Making human connections is high on my priority list.

Other things that have changed? I learned to live with 20 girls and just one frying pan. I learned that every now and then you should just stop worrying about the money and just do stuff. I wear stranger clothes, though mostly because I don’t want to do laundry. I’m more sentimental because I’ve realized how precious everything around me is. I’ve learned that people do things for very different reasons and sometimes they travel the world because they want to see new things or because their best friend died and they realized their own mortality or just because they want to see if they can. I learned to some degree that there’s no place like home but that’s mostly because of the people and not the actual, physical area.

And even though I still think it’s pretentious and annoying to talk about study abroad as some ‘life changing experience’, I understand it now. Going outside your comfort zone forces you to look at yourself in a new light. It’s a growing experience and I’ll probably smile fondly when I’m reminded of London. And occasionally, I won’t be able to help myself, and I’ll probably spill a few stories about my incredible semester abroad. If it gets too snobby, just smack me upside the head and I’ll come back down to earth and probably smile at you like a dummy and feel a wave of relief that I have friends willing to put me in my place.