if you're in philly for happy hour, you best be trucking down to frankford hall. half a liter of german beer and a warm, bavarian soft pretzel with mustard that will make your eyes water for just $6. plus, an open courtyard, fire pit, smores making kits, killer burgers, ping pong, and jenga. set your alarm for 5pm tomorrow and go there. last time i went, i played THE LONGEST game of jenga ever. the last twenty minutes, everyone held their breath. whenever it was anyone's turn, they would begin with an apology speech, certain that their move would be the final move. our faces would all contort in anticipation of the pain and we would close our eyes only to find that another piece had successfully been removed. it was insane. total jenga high.
back to that watering eyes thing though - dudes. let me tell you - i have been nonstop water works recently. me, the iron lady, the tin woman if you will, who kept crying reserved as a once a year thing not because i didn't want to but because i never felt compelled to - i seem to have developed some sort of faucet in the corner of each of my eyes. everything sets me off - good news, seeing large crowds of people enjoying something, interactions with the elderly, a singing card from my mom, this video. everything.
the good part of this is it's all sentimental crying - no sad or angry tears. i cry the most when i (and bear with me on this one - it's going to get pretty sappy. i might even start crying as i write it and fry my computer and then you'll never have to endure the sappiness - we'll see how it plays out) think about the connectivity of humans and their capacity to love and be loved. looking at a fellow improviser and thinking about how much his mother must love him or the idea of her holding him as a child or the idea of him someday feeling the same love for someone else and that acting as an extension of his mother's love - it starts the tearing process. watching my mom's friends tap dance on stage and realizing how much they sacrifice to be mothers and how worthy they are of love gets me all blubbery. looking at a family of 10 in church on easter sunday and thinking about how the oldest was once the size of the youngest and wondering if they'll call each other when they're older has me doing that goofy happy/crying face (the one where you want to smile but you're frowning because you're about to happy cry?) even thinking about the love i've been so lucky to experience in my life and how i will turn the love that i have received into love i can give away, and in that way, will allow those close to me to remain always close regardless of physical or temporal limitations - that sends a few steady elephant tears rolling down my cheek.
i used to pride myself on not crying frequently. but i enjoy it so much now - crying has become my body's way to physically communicate emotions too large to mentally process. as of recent, i think i'm feeling more - i've become more sensitive to the world around me, particularly the people in it. this feels like my real rite of passage into womanhood. not menstruation or moving out on my own - but feeling this immense love for the very personhood of others. seeing everyone as a child and an opportunity for compassion. wanting to exchange comforting looks with everyone to let them know you recognize your shared human experience. i feel like that's the most important aspect of womanhood and something i've finally achieved. i've realized my capacity to love. not fully, but in a much larger sense than before.
or it could be because i'm a pisces. that might be a shorter explanation.
back to that watering eyes thing though - dudes. let me tell you - i have been nonstop water works recently. me, the iron lady, the tin woman if you will, who kept crying reserved as a once a year thing not because i didn't want to but because i never felt compelled to - i seem to have developed some sort of faucet in the corner of each of my eyes. everything sets me off - good news, seeing large crowds of people enjoying something, interactions with the elderly, a singing card from my mom, this video. everything.
the good part of this is it's all sentimental crying - no sad or angry tears. i cry the most when i (and bear with me on this one - it's going to get pretty sappy. i might even start crying as i write it and fry my computer and then you'll never have to endure the sappiness - we'll see how it plays out) think about the connectivity of humans and their capacity to love and be loved. looking at a fellow improviser and thinking about how much his mother must love him or the idea of her holding him as a child or the idea of him someday feeling the same love for someone else and that acting as an extension of his mother's love - it starts the tearing process. watching my mom's friends tap dance on stage and realizing how much they sacrifice to be mothers and how worthy they are of love gets me all blubbery. looking at a family of 10 in church on easter sunday and thinking about how the oldest was once the size of the youngest and wondering if they'll call each other when they're older has me doing that goofy happy/crying face (the one where you want to smile but you're frowning because you're about to happy cry?) even thinking about the love i've been so lucky to experience in my life and how i will turn the love that i have received into love i can give away, and in that way, will allow those close to me to remain always close regardless of physical or temporal limitations - that sends a few steady elephant tears rolling down my cheek.
i used to pride myself on not crying frequently. but i enjoy it so much now - crying has become my body's way to physically communicate emotions too large to mentally process. as of recent, i think i'm feeling more - i've become more sensitive to the world around me, particularly the people in it. this feels like my real rite of passage into womanhood. not menstruation or moving out on my own - but feeling this immense love for the very personhood of others. seeing everyone as a child and an opportunity for compassion. wanting to exchange comforting looks with everyone to let them know you recognize your shared human experience. i feel like that's the most important aspect of womanhood and something i've finally achieved. i've realized my capacity to love. not fully, but in a much larger sense than before.
or it could be because i'm a pisces. that might be a shorter explanation.
You're the best. Also, I cried while watching that video.
ReplyDelete"the connectivity of humans and their capacity to love and be loved"- that's pretty much why we're all here. that's how important it is.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes. Everyone is someone's baby. The thing that I couldn't get past after I had my son was that just about everyone we pass on the street was loved with such intensity by their mothers when they were born, and if you are lucky for years and years and years after that, all the way into forever. Even people I work with who don't want their babies and either abort them or give them up for adoption love their babies fiercely. It's a crazy bio-emotion thing that is just so huge and all-encompassing.
I'm glad you're feeling that. Even if it makes you cry. It is supposed to make you cry.