i signed up a for a 5k.
like an idiot.
i am not a running person. i am not one of those people who enjoys it as a spiritual experience during which i am one with my body. when i run, it is for survival purposes. i am being chased or my meter is almost out and my car is in danger of being ticketed. that is how running factors into my life.
but there was a deal on groupon for the color me rad 5k. and i mentally kept blocking out those two final characters. the '5' and the 'k'. i just kept thinking about the color. and the out-dated use of the word rad. and before i knew it, i was signed up.
i planned to practice. to train a little each day until i had a wonderful sports montage style breakthrough where i found myself and found my passion and had washboard abs.
this did not happen.
i did nothing to practice. drank two smoothies the night before. that was my training. but on the day of the race, dressed in white with some douche-y sunglasses and the sneakers i hardly ever wear, i was blessed to discover that my running mates were also not so into running. we had to duck under the yellow tape they were using to close off the starting line because we were too slow to begin with. from then on, we alternated between walking briskly and jogging slowly while complaining. beth jogged at a somewhat glacial pace consistently throughout, so the real props go to her. the more important part: we all ended up covered in colored corn starch. one woman threw some in my face when i wasn't expecting it and my teeth were purple for a few kilometers. at the end, everyone gets their own packet of color and they throw it all over the place. it was magical and fun and colorful and impossible to wash off and guaranteed that we would get one million strange looks at brunch.
and in conclusion, i will never run another 5k again.
