dear lord almighty.
part of my job at the coffee shop is to make up these gift basket things with candy or whatever. it's absurdly simple. tape some candy together, throw it in a basket, wrap it in plastic, curl the ribbon. done.
but today i worked with a woman who was a competitive basket-making freak. she was obsessive about them. she was stressing herself out about the baskets. i had to do everything in my power not to laugh. every time she would let out a sigh and rub her forehead in distress, stepping backwards to stare at the basket, saying to herself "how will this ever work!?!?", i would tell her not to worry about it- that i could make the baskets. and i can. not to brag, but i'm pretty good at making baskets. (good to know in case the whole communications thing doesn't work out.) she would sigh and allow me to take on some of the workload but then HOVER over me the entire time. saying, "tilt this!" or "center that!" or my personal favorite "does that look right to you?". just crazy, passive-aggressive things. woman is nuts. very very sweet, but nuts. other than that, work was ballin'. $14.75 in tips? yuss please!
in other news: why is missy elliott so fucking cool? does anyone know? is it just the track suits? or her ability to brag about sex and her skills like a dude (this i really like- not like "ooo i'm a lady and i'm sexyyyyy and i want you in an emotional wayyyy because i like making looooovveeeee" but like "freak ya in ya sleep!" or like "not on the bed, lay me on the sofa" or "ain't no shame ladies, do your thang!")? or is it her incredible dance skills? or the fact that she makes me want to dance? i don't think its anything i could ever put in words. the words to describe it aren't even known to man. when i get to heaven, i shall ask the great diety to tell me in his cosmic language, the secret to why missy is such a bamf.
pass that dutch...
ReplyDeletei just updated myself on your updated life by reading all of your blog updates from the past week. allow me to mass comment:
ReplyDelete1. you liz and i are one day going to open a glorious tea house or coffee spot or perk place that opens between 6 pm to 3 am and serves warm goodness in the form of alcoholic coffee beverages. the setting will be quaint, the ambiance of an antique irish pub with big, squashy chair which we will clean at the end of the week to collect change. we could call it spiked.
2. would you rather be missy elliot or marry missy elliot. i say marry. i'm totally not cool enough to be her. also, i have a penis. she may to, an invisible one; a ghost appendage if you will.
3. we should ask fish if we could back up sing slash, dance in his bluegrass band, maybe for just one song. we could do a decemberist's cover.
4. i'm sitting in daxtang's bedroom typing all this. liz tilahunny is trying on all of sarah's clothing. they're complaining about having big boobs (well, sarah is, and liz is patronizing her).
5. i;m pumped to be an old person.
6. you should maybe, possibly, totally help me plan the harry potter and the dance til dawn event. it's going to be a spectacular extravaganza!
7. what else should i write?
well, i'll talk to you lata smalls.
peace and love and magic.