turkish delight

went to a turkish restaurant. compliments of temple university. juliana went too. it was nice getting to hang out with her. i should try and do it more often. we seem to get along fairly well. talk of doing a radio show next semester. turkish food is good. the country looks beautiful. all the countries look beautiful. everywhere has something to offer.

finished aunt jen's cowl today. IM A MACHINE. started on matt barry's cowl. then mine. i wanted to do grandma's hat but it's on friggin size two needles! i was like. fuck dat shit. hell naw. that's gonna take me six years. crazy knitty knittas. no way jose. i love creation. i love creating. i love using my hands. i love tangibility. more sewing in the near future.

i think they might have gotten it today. apparently the van was in the driveway. my paranoia is ridiculous. i don't even know. the more i think about it the more anxious i get. i just want to get it over with. but i want to be spared! how will they go about it? will they call me? or wait until i get home so they can confront me face to face? i hope they just call. if they do it when i get home it'll be too upsetting. they would call. i hope they would call. i hope they don't get it. i wish temple was more timely. they need to reconsider the system.

brianne is over at aaron's again tonight. night four of this. the combination of jealousy and a desire for warmth is making me wish i had someone as well. i like sleeping next to people. it's so toasty. i told liz i would pay her to sleep in my bed. to keep me warm and snuggly. winter makes one lonely. i need body heat. i need a sturdy boy with nice hands and a good face. someone nice and sleepy. he likes busdriver. i forgot how to talk to people. i've lost it. my confidence isnt' what it used to be. it leaves much to be desired. i need to relearn quickly. i don't want the window of opportunity to close. i always read too much into these things; but he does look at me. or is he looking at me because i look at him? i'm just trying to return the favor. and talk without speaking or whatever. dammit. i'm supposed to be a communications major. my skills are lacking.

i love my family. it's almost christmas. i want to lose some weight. gain some more boobage. erase a couple chins. the works. in time for santa. fuck senior week boy. seriously. i would. but fuck him in the other way too. let me use youuuuu!!! pleeassseeeeeeee. movies have given me unrealistic standards of boys. not that they're supposed to be romanitc princes or any of that bullshit. the myth that they all want to hook up with girls all the time. where are these boys? i'm struggling to meet them. damn you teen movies. curse thee a thousand times over.